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It's An Emergency To Them

by Earwig Deluxe

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i love you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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i love you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Transformative and ridiculously bold. Earwig deluxe should be a household name. Introduce him to your close family and friends. Favorite track: Ointment City.
Calla
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Calla This is some of the best and most creative stuff and I’ve been enamored ever since I first heard Earwig Deluxe back in 2019. This album perfectly captures the wholly unhinged but tempered energy of his live work with just enough production to make the album engaging in its own right.

This is easily album of the year for me, 10/10 Favorite track: Breakfast For Dinner, Pt. 2 & 3.
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1.
Se tu iroms montoyd, Aùscultu iyed Shpinistom. Egui phluizhigot tun Ed trinkot tun Ed nemyu trovot tuayn ostoyn Timu Shpiniston! Timu eguin!
2.
A casket for a slug A carpet stained with melting jokebooks The funeral’s today But I can’t find a date to go with My fingernails are rusting off But these scratch ‘n’ sniffs are amazing Smells like a clickety-clackety cross Tracking salt across my basement I suck meat through a brass straw I built myself a gooseflesh mausoleum Didn’t put a door in the wall Dissolved my sugar cubes so nobody can see ‘em Razor blades in the banana peels A gaping gash in the Achilles Tendon Animal bananas are moray eels Humans are bags to stick your head in Rinse me, idiot! I am covered in scorpions This ain't your grandmother's disease I went for a swim today The water tasted just like Vasoline I drank it down and pissed it all away And now the lifeguard is mad at me The doctor switched my kneecaps So I'd stop spinning around & around Now I just spin in the other direction But I can still roll from A to B if I stay on the ground Rinse me, idiot! I am covered in scorpions This ain't your grandmother's disease
3.
Breakfast‽ For dinner‽ Who ever heard of such a thing‽ You made that up!
4.
I come bearing grave apologies from management It seems you were given breakfast for dinner Who ever heard of such a thing? The human body has a peculiar way of processing breakfast for dinner: You're going to defecate your own liver We're so sorry
5.
Out To Lunch 00:25
And if you need me, I'll be dangling from the head of a live goat With the horn so far down my throat That it might displace my adam's apple
6.
The Gardener 00:46
She goes to the garden and tears at the soil She glares at the worms that slide through the yard She sees how the ground is so soft And so are the worms And so is her body And hopes that heaven transgresses The festering mucus & putrid senescence She fears in her heart
7.
I am not insane My brain is pulsating hard but thinking normally I wiggle my finger into a vein And pull out a very long hair I can't hear the rain But I can feel an uncanny breath A fragrance of whimsical death A screaming creature in my shoe With bleeding teeth and eyes askew But I'm broken Because I left my bathrobe out in the rain And I left my soap in my bathrobe And lost my proximity to godliness And if it gets any worse, then I might have to resort to hope
8.
Love Waltz 01:39
We were wearing crotchless diapers (You know the ones) We made love (Sexually, that is) She said, “Hey, Buddy, That’s a pretty low sperm count you got there; I can hardly feel Just a few of those things Squirming around”
9.
Don't quit your day job, cowboy You got high on your own supply And now you've a mouthful of sour milk Take a deep breath Spit out the nitrogen And render yourself to the goblins Stretching ribbons Over holes In your sleep
10.
Everything gives me diarrhea except for human meat So sit your ass down & eat Because we had linguine last night I don't like linguine It gives me diarrhea The moon looks like some sort of fucked up fruit The ground looks like some sort of fucked up floor The sky looks like some kind of fucked up void With a fucked up fruit Floating around in it Everything gives me diarrhea except for human meat So sit your ass down & eat Because we had linguine last night I don't like linguine It gives me diarrhea
11.
I was coughing up Squid meat On your Front Porch And you came out I didn’t ring the doorbell but you came out And you said that you Didn’t believe In animal thigmotropism And I said I didn’t believe in animal thigmotropism either And that Seemed to bother you For some reason
12.
I want to go to Ointment City Where all the ointment is on sale I want to go to Ointment City Grab a scoop and fill your pail For $14.95 It’s the only municipality where I want to be alive It’s the only municipality where I’m not afraid of God Because they’ve got all the ointment you could want I’ve got a girl in Ointment City Well, not “got”, per se, but I sure am glad to know her And when we walk together down the street People say, “Get out of the street! You’re going to get yourselves run over!” She does something for a living She said it was none of my business Or maybe she just didn’t tell me Or maybe she told me and I just forgot But when she shines in the moonlight Anointed With viscid, Glistening Ointment, I like that a lot
13.
Denim 02:01
My jeans are too small Had to grease them up Just so I could fit inside They were discount But the amount I had to spend on lard Has offset the savings I wasted an entire evening In the bathroom of my local laundromat Somebody is pounding on the door Yelling at me And I’m just replying, “Occupied! Occupied!” I haven’t flushed for hours My laundry has been stolen already I have nothing to lose I’m just going to stay here until the police kick down the door I read in the news About a sea cucumber That grew A set of legs But it didn’t grow a brain so it didn’t know how to use them It got eaten by a barracuda Who appreciated those legs more than the sea cucumber ever did But it was too polite to urinate in the water So it died of a bladder infection.
14.
Hollywood tour We were on a Hollywood tour The tour guide took us past Mt D'mon’s house The blinds were open And he was masturbating Furiously To a photo of someone I think that I knew in college But the tour guide wouldn’t let me off the bus And the tour guide wouldn’t let me throw anything And the tour guide took us past Kllsey Grmmr’s house But Kllsey Grmmr’s blinds Were closed
15.
30 Pound Yak 01:04
There’s a 30 pound yak Digging a hole in the mattress Down to where the monsters dwell He’s only looking for crumbs He could use the carbs We all agree But it sure is hard to sleep I can see the moon from my house I can feel a tingle in the roof of my mouth
16.
Sandwich 01:07
And I’d like to make a sandwich But I don’t particularly want the bread But all of my forks are dirty Because I have got to stop storing forks in this dirty sock But I’d hate to throw it away And I can’t find the other one And my veins are getting brittle As I’m sitting at the craft fair Selling artisanal hammers Sure, they’re only dowels glued to bricks And the glue still hasn’t dried You just have to be gentle Everyone’s a parody of what they want to be An alligator pawing at the edges of the tub All bacteria go to Heaven So if you ever go, you’d better bring a pair of gloves
17.
18.
Super Savers 02:16
What are you going to do With those ointment coupons? May I use them To wipe up my nosebleed? I’ll keep the barcodes clean So they’ll still scan just fine If you still want to use them For fuck’s sake, they expire tomorrow Where are you going to get a rash by tomorrow?
19.
Saliva 01:21
The moon Is full Of saliva And we’re digging For saliva On the moon So we can swallow Everything That we consume My skin Is made of worms And I don’t know What’s compelling them to stay And I’m so scared That they’ll all just slither away And leave me here alone with my insides
20.
Grip to squeeze Squeeze to snip Snip to clip Clip to sweep Sweep to clump Clump to gulp Gulp to cough Cough forever Cough forever! Live to cough! Live forever! I didn’t mean to make eye contact with you I didn’t mean to make eye contact with you I didn’t mean to make eye contact with you Just putting these goat teeth in the ‘fridge Did you mean to make eye contact with me? Because I don’t mind if you did We were splashing around in clown paint when the summer came Got on our blistered knees and scrubbed the floor with toothpaste It was silver then I suppose that’s always what it will have been But I don’t think about it much outside of my bed In the future, they’ll have tentacles for seatbelts They’ll have wheels that can swerve even when you’re not moving And you can listen to this song on the radio Those future people sure do think of everything May I stay at your apartment tonight, please? Mine is still infested with foot fetishists I see you putting an apple in the microwave Did you google that to make sure that it won’t explode? I trimmed my fingernails so I would stop cutting my thumbs while I twiddled them Shredded a kitchen sponge to maximize surface area Gripped it so hard that my knuckles burst open It took the whole sponge To clean it up Come over here so we can cough together Let me teach you how to cough forever
21.
22.
Se tu iroms montoyd, Aùskultu iyed Shpinistom. Egui phluizhigot tun Ed trinkot tun Ed nemyu trovot tuayn ostoyn Timu Shpiniston! Timu eguin!

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released November 27, 2021

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Earwig Deluxe Charleston, South Carolina

Oneiromaniacal chumpdust for the Ass Generation.

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