Sometimes it feels like the world is against you
Sometimes if feels like it's bringing you down
You might feel like you ain't got control
You might feel a little overwhelmed

But tonight ain't about all that
so everybody in the club relax
Let your troubles rot outside on the mat
Because I got you a brand new dance

It's a little bit funky, a little bit kooky,
a little bit naughty, a little bit nice,
a little bit sexy, a little bit spooky,
whatever you're into, it's gonna have something you like

So don't be nervous or make an excuse
You got nothing else to worry about
Get off the wall, and put your body to use
get on the dance floor and try it out

Step to the left,
step to the right,
bite your own nose off,
take all your clothes off, turn around, and clap your hands.

Skip to the left,
hop to the right,
embalm your nose,
and sell it to a nun in exchange for a piggyback ride

Kick to the left,
kick to the right,
kick your mailman,
take all the mail from him and deliver it yourself

Do the Charlie Brown,
do the Macarena
go to a midwifery,
and scream at a child as it emerges from the womb

Now everybody's makin' it happen
Everybody's getting' into the groove
Get out of your seat, quit nappin'
Show everybody your brand new moves

The world is yours, and your problems are elsewhere
Look around and find someone you like,
Dance up to 'em, get on up there,
'cause you're takin' that someone home tonight

The flapjack is the hippest new dance craze
The flapjack is where it's at
All the superstars are doin' it at raves
Have I mentioned that this dance is called the flapjack?

It's good to see that everybody's having fun
The flapjack is bringin' on oodles of riff raff
But don't you know that we ain't done
Now it's time to learn the second half.

Ladies, step to the left,
step to the right,
toast a bagel,
poison the cream cheese, then eat the bagel without cream cheese.

Fellas, grind on a sexy lady,
grind on a regular lady,
grind on Kevin Spacey,
Grind on Cornelius Vanderbilt's corpse

Hermaphrodites, skip to the left,
hop to the right,
sue a funeral home,
and do something creative with human toenails and rubber cement.

Everybody, Do the Charlie Brown,
do the Macarena,
Steal your nose back
from that nun, and glue it back on so you can do it all over again