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So You Want To Be A Barber

from It's An Emergency To Them by Earwig Deluxe

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lyrics

Grip to squeeze
Squeeze to snip
Snip to clip
Clip to sweep
Sweep to clump
Clump to gulp
Gulp to cough
Cough forever
Cough forever!
Live to cough!
Live forever!

I didn’t mean to make eye contact with you
I didn’t mean to make eye contact with you
I didn’t mean to make eye contact with you
Just putting these goat teeth in the ‘fridge
Did you mean to make eye contact with me?
Because I don’t mind if you did

We were splashing around in clown paint when the summer came
Got on our blistered knees and scrubbed the floor with toothpaste
It was silver then
I suppose that’s always what it will have been
But I don’t think about it much outside of my bed
In the future, they’ll have tentacles for seatbelts
They’ll have wheels that can swerve even when you’re not moving
And you can listen to this song on the radio
Those future people sure do think of everything
May I stay at your apartment tonight, please?
Mine is still infested with foot fetishists
I see you putting an apple in the microwave
Did you google that to make sure that it won’t explode?
I trimmed my fingernails so I would stop cutting my thumbs while I twiddled them
Shredded a kitchen sponge to maximize surface area
Gripped it so hard that my knuckles burst open
It took the whole sponge
To clean it up
Come over here so we can cough together
Let me teach you how to cough forever

credits

from It's An Emergency To Them, released November 27, 2021

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Earwig Deluxe Charleston, South Carolina

Oneiromaniacal chumpdust for the Ass Generation.

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